everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I will be naked everywhere
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
