I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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