somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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