dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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