i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize