he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
