So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Fuck appropriateness.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
