If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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