When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
