Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.

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(219): View more from Indiana

I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry

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(224): View more from Illinois

Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?

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(551): View more from New Jersey

I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week

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(415): View more from California

A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night

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(207): View more from Maine

suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway

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