if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
