Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
