You can't special order awesome
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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