my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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