A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
