Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
