Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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