eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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