I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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