Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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