Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
