can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
