My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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