It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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