i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Why can't burritos get me drunk
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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