Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
