I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
