She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
