Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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