Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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