I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
