i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
