I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
