Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
