she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize