i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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