Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
