Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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