somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
