I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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