I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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