Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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