Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
