I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
