i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
