I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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