I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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