Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
