the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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