I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
