Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
