The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
