I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
