The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
