my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
