im drinking this country out of the recession.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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