We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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