weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
