Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
