just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize