How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
