Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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