How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
