I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
