I just made out with a guy for $7.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
