Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
