when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
