Do you still have your period?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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