omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
