Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
