If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
