He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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