Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
