did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
