It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
