wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
