so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize