In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
