there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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