I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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