Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
