I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
