He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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