Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
