If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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