How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
