Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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