What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
