Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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