I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think your dad took our porno
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
