Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
