perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
