I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
