if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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