Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Randomize
