you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
