I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
