is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
