I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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