I just threw up on my dentist
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize