Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
