apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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