i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
