hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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