How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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