Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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