I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
