Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
