True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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